Directed by: Courtney Solomon. I did a real review for this movie for a real publication, so what follows will be my unrestrained, rambling review. Actually, scratch that—this film doesn’t deserve a long, rambling review. This is a substandard, poorly thought out, underdeveloped piece of crap cinema. It makes The Fast and the Furious look like a real movie because, by comparison, it is. The only thing I’d add is how sublimely awful this film is and how, in being so technically shoddy and lazy in almost every aspect—editing, characterization, script, etc—it actually ends up being really interesting. I’ve barked up this tree before, with Pain & Gain I think, and I’m not sure how coherent my thesis is there, it’s still just an impression. But I truly think there’s something in a really awful movie that ends up swinging back on itself and delivering a lot of fascinating elements for a viewer to chew on, despite itself. In this movie, there’s a particularly bold decision near the end which seems to be an example of the film pointing to its own failure. The filmmakers decided, either out of artistic deliberation, or (my suspicion) out of a lack of acceptable coverage, to shoot the final big chase scene in one continuous, uncut shot, in which the camera just follows closely behind the protagonist’s car for a solid minute or so of screen time, leading up to a climactic car crash. This POV car chase is a truly unique minute of screen time, one in which the audience finally sees something they’ve never seen before, and something which, stripped of all editing and all extra score, just the sound of the motor and the view of the car on the quickly-moving roadscape, is a truly sublime and beautiful shot. I can’t describe enough to you how strangely meditative and ponderous this sequence feels, juxtaposed as it is with the rest of this loud, obnoxious, quickly-cut, insulting fart of a movie. This film is actually hilarious in how bad it is—Jon Voight’s awful pan-European accent uttering those groan-inducing “bad guy” one-liners throughout the whole movie is priceless. In short, this film is so full of strange, disjointed, dysfunctional elements, that I think it deserves to be re-viewed and appreciated as a piece of ironic 21st Century non-art, in the tradition of The Room or the Schwarzenegger canon. To this extent, I can’t decide whether or not I would recommend anyone else see this film. I would recommend arty-film nerds to watch this, but I think the average Joe looking for a good action movie would do well to go rent an old Verhoeven flick any day.